I’ve been dealing with an eating problem for quite some time now. I have many ups and downs but thanks to therapy I know how to deal with it better. I think we all know about anorexia and boulimia, but I feel like orthorexia isn’t very known. Or well.. When I saw an article about orthorexia and scrolled through the comment section I saw that people didn’t really took it seriously. But any eating problem should be taken seriously, because it controls your entire day to day life. I like to call it a problem instead of a disorder, because I feel like problem sounds more positive. A problem is something you can solve.
So to make it a bit easier for some of you to understand, I will give you a little inside in my mind. This is my personal experience, I don’t state that this what everyone with orthorexia goes through.
This is/was basically my day, just not in a funny way. Everytime I finish a meal or snack I get nervous and stressed out because I have to think about what I should eat next. It’s not an easy decision, when I feel like I’ve made a good choise I rethink my choise. Is there a healthier option? Am I really hungry? Maybe I’m just thirsty? And then when I’ve eaten something I think about all the healthier options I could’ve had. And rethink wether it was really necessary or not. And I guess you can imagine what runs through my mind when I eat something that was not healthy. It’s not like I would throw up or something because that’s unhealthy, and in my mind it’s all about health.
Sometimes when I’ve made a decision on what to eat a day before (I usually prepare my breakfast/lunch the night before school), and I go to the kitchen to prepare my meals and I can’t find the products that I need for my meal…I get some sort of anxiety attack, it literally can/could make me cry. That is probably the most stressful situation ever. And while I panick over it, I know that it’s insane. I know that with everything going on in the world this is just bullshit. And I know that I’m not overweight I’m more likely to be underweight, but somehow I just can’t win.
And that is what it is, a perpetual battle in my head. And because of therapy I am now able to win the battle sometimes. But I’m never really able to conquer the battle, it’s always there somewhere.
I think what makes it extra hard is the fact that you see ‘everyone’ on social media living that healthy life. Plus you can’t just stop eating healthy, so you have to work on that balance everyday. What I just described was me on my worst days, often when I already had stress. But I’m glad to be able to tell you that I’ve been doing much better eventhought I don’t think I will ever be completely rid of it.
Love yourself, and don’t waist your time being upset by things that in the end never even mattered. Oh and, wear fluffy socks.